The Great Hyrule Takeover
by Dark McCloud
Summary: An attempt to take over Hyrule that didn't go over too well. Please read and review. (gueststars Mario and Bowser) 6-30-04--Has been changed from original script form into prose.


Three shadowed figures stood in the front foyer of Ganon's Castle. The first was Ganondorf himself, clearly recognizable by his lack of fashion sense and flaming red hair. The second was Bowser from the Mario Games. He's only here cause he's cool. Anywho...  
  
The third figure was a teenager, dressed all in black. This is the author.  
  
"OK, I want ten more feet of red carpet over there, a few more flights of stairs should do WONDERS over there, and I think that adding some iron bars over this doorway would give the place a real homey touch, don't you?" Jaye instructed her minions of dark destruction.  
  
Bowser came in, his arms full of pieces of paper and magic markers. Ganondorf followed with a rather large broom, sweeping away all the dust and stray pieces of paper.  
  
"Geez Bowser, can't you try to be a LITTLE bit neater?" Ganondorf complained, lifting up a random oriental rug and sweeping the dust underneath it.  
  
A fist connected with his head, and he fell to the floor, twitching. "This is NOT THE TIME TO WORRY ABOUT NEATNESS!" Jaye yelled. She calmed down a bit. "We have to be prepared for the goodie-goodies."  
  
"I brought the paper and markers. We can start formulating our master plan," Bowser stated, hauling his bounty onto a nearby table and dropping it with a satisfactory swoosh.  
  
"What master plan? I wasn't informed of a master plan..." Ganondorf said, studying the supplies curiously  
  
Jaye rolled her eyes. "Of course you haven't Ganondorf, that's cause we haven't started it yet."  
  
Ganondorf suddenly spotted a speck of dust on the table, screamed like two frightened little school girls, and pulled out a bottle of furniture wax. Jaye and Bowser shook their heads, left Ganondorf to his mad dusting, and walked out of the cold stone foyer into a wider room. There they began to work on the Master Plan.  
  
"Our Master Plan is almost complete!" And maniacal laughter ensued, but was quickly cut off by a cow mooing in the distance. Jaye growled angrily and blew the cow up.  
  
"Hey what's up with that? That would have made a nice thick juicy steak too," Bowser whined.  
  
Jaye shrugged aloofly. "Look on the bright side; you can be saved from all the e.coli that was probably in that thing. Anywho...hey! Where's Ganondork?"  
  
"It's GANONDORF!" the evil mage replied.  
  
"Whatever." Bowser and I just wanted to inform you of the Master Plan."  
  
"COOL!"  
  
"OK so we..." At that time, a loud cart drove by, blocking out any other noise.  
  
"Good plan," Ganondorf complimented.  
  
"Now all we have to do is wait," Bowser said.  
  
"No fear. They'll be arriving right about..." The door opened in the background. "...now."  
  
"So what do we do while they're evading the grasp of the Stalfos Knights, Beamos, and Koopa Troopas?" Ganondorf inquired of his fellow conspirators.  
  
Bowser takes out a Game Cube, opens it, and puts in a game called The Evil, Mighty, and All Around Cool Conquests of Bowser. "Video Games!"  
  
"Uh...is that a real game?"  
  
"Of course not." I just made it. Mwhahahahah! Check this out!" Bowser picked up the controller and began shooting fireballs at Mario.  
  
"COOL! Can I have a try?" Jaye said enthusiastically.  
  
"Sure!" he handed Jaye the controller.  
  
Link sat in the stone foyer and pulled out a notebook and crayons. "We need a map," he announced, and began scribbling.  
  
"Ok," Mario said uncertainly, watching over Link's shoulder. He saw a paper with multicolored scribbles on it. "Mama Mia! Did you say Map or Mess?"  
  
"Well I can follow it and that's all that matters!" Link said defensively, snatching up his map and marching off. Mario followed, shaking his head.  
  
"The only place that map'll lead is straight to a headache."  
  
"Wait a second, I think they're coming! I sense them!" Jaye yelled suddenly, dropping the game controller.  
  
"Hey! How come you can sense them?" Ganondorf whined.  
  
"Cause I have magical author powers. And I'm cool. Ha-ha," Jaye replied.  
  
Ganondorf pouted. "Oh, fine."  
  
Bowser looked into the hallway. "I think they'll be a while, ne?"  
  
"What makes you say that?" Ganondorf asked, still pouting.  
  
"Well they just walked into the room with Jaye's pet dragon."  
  
"Yes, get them my precious!" Jaye yelled, throwing her hands up in the air and doing a victory jig, while laughing manically.  
  
"Dude, what did you put in her coffee this morning Ganondorf?" Bowser inquired of the warlock, glancing at Jaye, who was rolling around on the ground, laughing insanely. Loudly.  
  
"Bwhahahahahahah...OK I'm done. Now where were we?"  
  
"The Master Plan," Bowser said helpfully.  
  
"Cleaning the castle," Ganon countered.  
  
"Video Games..." Jaye stated, seeing the game cube in the corner.  
  
"Since we don't know, how about we listen to music?" Bowser suggested helpfully.  
  
"OK....Like what?" Ganondorf asked.  
  
"AC/DC," Bowser replied.  
  
"Metallica," Jaye added.  
  
"Nsync." Jaye and Bowser turned to Ganondorf with identical horrified looks on their faces. Jaye screamed.  
  
"You like the evil SODA MUSIC?!"  
  
"NOOOO! NOT..." Bowser shuddered. "Pop." Jaye and Bowser fell over anime style, twitching on the ground.  
  
Ganondorf blinked. "...OK...."  
  
Bowser and Jaye jumped back up. "We are NOT listening to the evil soda music!"  
  
"WHY! I got the new Brittany Spears album yesterday. Anyone wanna listen to it?"  
  
"NO! NOT HER! She's EEEVVVIIILLL!" Bowser continued chanting 'eeevvviiillll' while Ganondorf danced around, singing an off-key version of 'Oops I did it again'. Jaye pulled out a boom box and a Metallica CD."  
  
"Master of Puppets/I'm pulling your strings/Twisting your mind and smashing your dreams..."  
  
"I'M MELTING!" Ganondorf yelled, doing a half-hearted impression of the Wicked Witch of the West.  
  
"Now this is real music," Bowser said, cranking the volume.  
  
All of the sudden, the door pops open. Link and Mario burst in, hyper and excited.  
  
"HI EVERYBODY!!" Link yelled in a loud, hyper, excited voice.  
  
"Mama Mia! Its a-me, Mario!"  
  
Bowser blinked at the two 'heroes'. "I think they got into our coffee stash."  
  
"I thought we depleted that stash this morning," Jaye replied.  
  
Bowser and Jaye start dancing around really hyper.  
  
"Oh I've got a lovely bunch of coconuts!" Link began to sing.  
  
"Diddly do," Mario added.  
  
"Here they are all standing in a row!" Jaye continued.  
  
"Big ones, small ones..." Bowser sang.  
  
"Some as big as your head!" Link continued.  
  
"Just give em a twist, a flick of the wrist, that's what the showman said!" Jaye finished.  
  
As they continue to dance and sing, Ganondorf backs away really scared into a corner.  
  
Jaye, Link, Mario, and Bowser look at him.  
  
"The goddesses are displeased," Link stated.  
  
"Lets make a sacrifice!" Mario suggested.  
  
"Yeah!"  
  
Jaye, Bowser, Link, and Mario tie Ganondorf to a steak. They start doing this really weird voodoo dance around it.  
  
"SACRIFICE!"  
  
The four take out coconut masks and tiki torches. They begin to do the weird voodoo dance around it again, waving the torches dangerously.  
  
"...and you people say I'm insane? Oh goddesses...." Ganondorf shook his head.  
  
Jaye chuckled evilly and Bowser said: "That's what you get for listening to the evil soda music."  
  
"Oh sweet Nayru, he listens to the evil pop music?" Link exclaimed, nearly dropping his tiki torch.  
  
"I know, it's a bad name for bad guys everywhere," Bowser said, shaking his head disapprovingly.  
  
"Soda music is evil."  
  
Link turned to Mario. "Of course you would think so, you like opera."  
  
Jaye and Bowser began to laugh. The thought of Mario listening to opera music was rather funny. OK so it was more like HILARIOUS! MWHAHAHAHAHA!  
  
"Opera music is almost as bad as soda," Bowser pointed out.  
  
"Yeah, I like metal. METALLICA FOREVER!" Link yelled.  
  
"I think I'm starting to like Link now," Jaye said, nodding approvingly. Link laughed manically.  
  
Ganondorf and Mario got highly offended. They left to go listen to some evil music in a random cardboard box at the end of the street. Unfortunately it was already occupied by the random hobo named Bob, so they just walked off.  
  
"Speaking of soda, I'm getting hungry," Bowser complained.  
  
Link blinked. "Know what, me too."  
  
"Let's order pizza!" Jaye cheered.  
  
"Pizza–the food of kings. King of the Koopas anyway," Bowser shrugged.  
  
"Anyone have a phone?" Link asked.  
  
"You can use the hotline," Bowser offered, gesturing to a bright red phone in the corner. It had flames painted all over it.  
  
Link dialed the local Hylian pizza place. "Yes, I'd like 500 pizza supremes please." He noticed the sad look Jaye was giving him. "Sorry, make that 350 pizza supremes and 150 without sausage." Jaye hugged him, and he blushed a bright scarlet. "I'd like them delivered to Ganon's Castle ASAP." In the background, the doorbell rang. "Thank you."  
  
"So, where's the party?" The pizza guy asked.  
  
"What party?" Bowser asked, opening the door wider as the first fifty pizzas were carried in.  
  
"No party? Then...who are all these pizzas for?" Link appeared in the doorway with one arm around Jaye's shoulders.  
  
"They're for me, my main koopa Bowser, and my friend Jaye."  
  
"Come on, come on Link. Don't you mean to say GIRLFRIEND?" Bowser taunted, cackling.  
  
Link stuck his tongue out at Bowser. "Shut up." Bowser stuck his tongue out in return.  
  
"Real mature guys," Jaye said, shaking her head.  
  
Meanwhile, the pizza man hadn't gotten over his shock. "All these pizzas to feed three?"  
  
Jaye raised her eyebrows. "You got a problem with that?"  
  
The pizza man, seeing that the girl was not someone he wanted to mess with, said nothing. It took ten trucks to deliver the pizzas, which Link, Bowser, and Jaye devoured in about a minute.  
  
"I like pizza. Pizza is yummy," Bowser stated.  
  
"No duh?" Jaye responded.  
  
"So what do we do now?" Link asked.  
  
"I dunno."  
  
"Got me."  
  
"Not sure," Link sighed.  
  
"So why don't we just sit here and be bored?" Bowser suggested.  
  
"OK," Jaye and Link agreed.  
  
So the three sat there and played checkers. How all three played at once is beyond me, but its my fic and I'll do what I want cause I can and I will. So ha. In your face world.  
  
-The End-  
  
A/N- I'm sorry if I've offended anyone who likes pop music. Please R&R, no flames. 


End file.
